Drugs Only!

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Polar Bear Nipples

I read a book to my son every night before he goes to sleep. He's been reading a bunch of non-fiction books lately. A few night ago, we read a book about polar bears. The book talked about baby polar bears getting milk from their mother. Boo Jr told me, "Polar bears don't drink milk. Milk comes from cows." I then explained to him that all mammals make milk and proceeded to list different kinds of mammals. I told him that if our dog, Sofie, had puppies that she would make milk, and told him that Mommy made milk after she gave birth to him.

"But where does the milk come from?" asked Boo Jr.

"Nipples." I said.

"Oh." my son said. And we continued on with reading our book.

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One way to stop global warming...

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Protect Insurance Companies Now!

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The Real Republicans of 2012

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Interesting Stuffed Toy

It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's Super Enema!

Going on site visits sometimes allows you to peak into the lives of other people. I'm a little voyouristic looking at the various pictures and nick-nacks that people have in their office, cube, or prison cell. Some people hang their diplomas on the wall. An inmate might have a complete chess set made from wadded up toilet paper. This attorney happened to have a stuffed enema toy.

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Bo says, "No comment!"

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From Russia With Love

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No More Bush!

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Sarah Palin - Head of Skate

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

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Sarah Palin Debate Flow Chart

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Building America's Bridge to Nowhere

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"Fiscal Conservatives"

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McCain-Palin

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Out in the Field

I'll be out in the field all day today to visit my own "prison improvement" project. I will also swing by my courthouse renovation/addition, and my academic building that are also under construction. Gotta keep an eye on those sneaky evil contractors!

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Prison Vacation

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THE EMPIRE STRIKES BARACK

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Kodak Moment

Courtesy of Mohawk Chieftain

NOT FAMILY FRIENDLY

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Diary Of A Snow Shoveler

December 8 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife andI took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the hugesoft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place inthe Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled forthe first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our drivewayand the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered upthe sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12 The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbortells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow onChristmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end ofwinter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that'spossible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14 Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The coldmakes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed upby shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplowcame back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize Iwould have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back inshape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've boughta wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20 Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day; freakin' snowplow came by twice. Tried tofind a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to seeabout buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think he's lying.

December 23 Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she... nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well lying.

December 24 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a gun who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his cojones. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the freakin' snowplow.

December 25 Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%^& slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. G-d I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch It's a Wonderful Life one more time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26 Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27 Temperature dropped to below zero and the pipes froze.

December 28 Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. My wife is driving me crazy!!!

December 29 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30 Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31 Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling!

January 8 I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.Why am I tied to the bed?

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An Engineer's View of Christmas

Click on the picture to enlarge.

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